Rambling thoughts at midnight about me and cancer...

It's a little after midnight and I'm wide awake....thinking.
What do you say when people ask, "How are you?"
Do they mean, "how is my life going?"   or "how am I feeling?"  or maybe even, "how is my spiritual life?"

I started this blog mostly because my family wanted to know how I am doing...maybe in all of the ways  above.

A year or two ago, I was interested in reading a book by a man who knew he was dying.  I wanted to see if he practiced what he preached to the end...and he did. (He had a marvelous faith in our Lord Jesus Christ, and loved the Word!)  I gave the book away to a man whose family felt he was going to die soon, and it was before I knew this breast cancer had come back in my spine. (I wish I had kept it--I think that man is going to outlive me!)   I know we all live in a dying world, and so unless the Lord comes first, we will all be at death's door one day. 

Besides being an outlet for my emotional outbursts (have I published one of those yet?), this blog for me, was to show others who might be facing cancer in their lives, or things that they can't control, that God really is there in our deepest hour of trial..  So far, He has done above that...in giving me peace, and also I know He is there for me for the future.  He heals me, too, so I wonder if this blog is even something I should continue to do!   The unexpected journey could include joyous affirmation of His care for me (which really is NOT unexpected!) so, whether in healing physically this body of mine, or giving me grace for unexpected trials yet to come, I will rest in Him.  I love Romans 8! 

I am so blessed by love shown to me by many friends, brothers and sisters in our Lord Jesus Christ, and by my family.  Above even that, I have a husband, who at 90 years of age, still provides and cares for his "young" wife, and loves her!   (Sometime I'll have to write about how God definitely led us to marry, even though he was 20 years my senior, and shorter than this tall one here!)

Well, I'll quit rambling, and see if  I can put into practice a verse I often quote to myself when laying down at night.   It is from Psalm 4 and says, "I will both lay me down, and sleep, for Thou Lord only makest me to dwell in safety"  (I learned it in the King James Version).

"the Rising Sun"

Hey, I was blessed today from Luke chapter 2.  Aren't these verses marvelous?  Think on each line and be blessed as I was!

"To give His people the knowledge of salvation (thank you JESUS)
through the forgiveness of their sins, (Amen, how wonderful!)
because of the tender mercy of our God, (All glory and thanks to Him!)
by which the rising sun will come to us from heaven (Our precious Rising Sun!)
to shine on those living in darkness and in the shadow of death; (could having cancer be living in the shadow of death?)
to guide our feet into the path of peace."  (Sooooooo thankful for His provision of healing, whether immediate, or throughout my life, or final!   So wonderful to have my feet guided in the path of PEACE! And to be rescued from darkness, present and eternal!   Thank you, Rising Sun!

(picture by my friend Michael Johnson)

Gracious words are pure....

"gracious words are pure..."

Those words shined out at me when I read Proverbs 15.  It made me think about purity.  It also made me think of how some people stress legalism for purity, and others stress that truly knowing God's grace will keep them pure in gratitude to Him.  I'm again seeing the tensions in life, and remembering dear Dr. Maxwell's famous quote, "Keep balanced!"

I want my words to be pure as I post here, or on Facebook.   And the thought comes from Psalm 119 about how can a young man (or woman) keep his ways pure?   It's by the Word of God.   Keeping in the Word.   Oh, how we need to flood our mind with the Word!  

I just read a book of a lady who went through the Holocaust.   How precious the Word became to her when she didn't have it!   How she yearned to have learned more, to have memorized more! 

May I encourage myself and you today....get in the Word every day.   If you have trouble memorizing, go over it several times til at least the thoughts are in your mind.   God can bring it back to your mind then when you need it.   But to have the exact word of God to quote to somebody needing truth is even better.

Blessings today!

The Story (SpreadTruth.com)

 Because of the message of "The Story", I look forward to each day, and am not afraid of the future. Today, I see my oncologist again, and have blood tests, etc., but I'm not fearful, because "I know Who holds the future, and I know He holds my hand".
Just click on this...
The Story (SpreadTruth.com)
May this STORY be shared!  More and more!
Have a blessed day!

just having people like that...

 The vacuum is pretty heavy to pull out, and then by using it, muscles in my lower back for some reason notice it.  It's not like huge pain,  but it makes for a backache for several days.  I first found that out with my weed-eating experience a little over a week ago.  (Though I didn't feel like stopping, my daughter came and insisted on finishing the job---actually doing about ninety percent of a yard recovery act!)  It was probably a good thing she did.

I don't like this deterioration in my body!   But friends are wonderful.  They remind me that every ache or pain I have, does NOT mean that its the cancer growing!   I'm thankful, too, that the Lord has a path planned for me, like my sister in her blog wrote.  (www.esthersjoyinthemourning.blogspot.com for June 24th.)

I guess one thing I'm learning from this unexpected journey is to let go of my pride. 
It's humbling to accept people doing things for you!   Really, it's not so hard to let a daughter do it, : ) but friends???

It's humbling to accept people doing things for you!  But when friends come by and insist, it really is wonderful!  My floors are vacuumed and even some of the bigger furniture was moved to get the dust removed where it hasn't been gotten for awhile!   Thank you Lord for just having people like that in my life!

  Thankful that the Lord takes notice, too.   "Behold, I come quickly; and My reward is with Me, to give every man according as his work shall be."  Rev. 22:12

5 word poems... encouraging me...

A friend of mine loves making poems.  She asked me to give her 5 words...a noun, an animal, a color, a verb and a "soul word" (emotion).  Off the top of my head, I gave her tree-rabbit-rose-gallop and cry (this last word because at that moment we were in a waiting line of people at a viewing for a friend who died.)  I thought I'd share this little poem which she blessed me with, within about 10 or 15 minutes.  She named it, "Better than Food."

BETTER THAN FOOD

Rose-red sunset
     streaks through the trees
as galloping horses
    lift high their knees;
the cry of the hound
    makes rabbit flee...
as I watch dusk settle,
    ...supper will keep.
RAV 6-23-11

Another poem using her mother's 5 words "lamp-gazelle-white-gambol-love has a real depth of meaning.  She named it "Loves Light"

LOVES LIGHT

lamp shining whitely through the gloom of night
moths gamboling like gazelles in its glowing light
midst heaven and earth love takes its flight
surrendering to its compelling might

like moths to the flame
we seek out love
finding its fullness
in God above
RAV6-23-11

and truly whether cancer survivor, or cancer victor, or cancer the means to take me to heaven, I find "the fullness of love in God above"

My Dad had cancer, too...

My dad had cancer, too.

But he didn't make a big deal of it at all.  I think he and Mom prayed together about the diagnosis, but either I was in my own little world or for some reason was not hearing it.   Even way back then the "C" word was bad...probably worse than now.  Dad had a portion of his bottom lip removed because of cancer... he also had some skin cancer in various spots.    Mom would give his back an evening back wash and scrub, and cared lovingly for him, until her own malady (one with the same symptons of Alzheimer's but not diagnosed as that) made her the one who needed the care.

On this Father's Day, I want to remember how he was an example of a Dad who would bring JOY into a home..  The acrostic of J-O-Y meaning Jesus first, Others next and Yourself last was truly exemplified by my Dad..

Jesus first.....  He loved God's Word, and had a lot memorized.  He made sure we, as a family,  had Bible reading and prayer before breakfast.  He and Mom always prayed together before they settled in for the night.  He had a burden for neighbors who didn't know the Lord.   He started a Sunday School, and then helped get a church going where he would pastor.  (How he found time to study, I don't know, but he would have his well worn Bible with him, even out in the fields, when he would take a little rest at noon with some lunch, and the warm jar of "ice" tea. that us kids would bring out to him.)

Others next...  One thing for sure was the way he cared for his family.   He would put long hours in as he put up hay for the winter for the cows.  I remember our farm in Canada had a little of everything...cows, pigs, horses, chickens, a wheat field, a barley field, (oh, those stickers on the barley!) and yes, we grew oats, too, as well as the hay field, and then there were the trees to cut and let dry out so they could saw them up for wood for the fire throughout the long Canadian winters.  Then the huge garden was plowed, planted and tended...(though after the plowing, the rest was mainly Mom's job, which she found was good for kids to learn character in pulling weeds and helping with the canning!)  That quarter section of land really produced!
Others were the neighbors that he so willingly helped, and visited, too, despite his busy life.

Yourself last... Never did I see my Dad push himself forward.  He was tall, quiet and loving.  Just thinking of all this makes tears come to my eyes...I miss him!

Thank you dear Heavenly Father, for a Dad who made learning to love a Heavenly Dad so easy!

Learning from Bartimaeus today...

Today we had the "little people" Nick and Lucyah Della Valle sharing their talents and love for the Lord in the gifted way God has given them. (Go to 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vL7gsV0Mw44 to get a taste of their story-telling).
As they told the story of Bartimaeus, they brought out in the end about his spiritual sight being more important than his physical sight, and how faith in the Lord even when you don't see Him, is what Jesus taught Thomas, when He told him, "Thomas, because you have seen me you have believed.  Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed" (John 20:29)

I think that is teaching me to continue on with life, and praising God each day,  whether I see/feel things in my body that make me question whether the cancer is growing or not.  Right now the only things that makes me question, are the nagging lower backache, and my often getting cramps in my legs throughout the night and particularly when I stretch in the morning.  I praise the Lord that I feel normal...well, as normal as this lady can be!

Thank you for those who pray for me.  God is truly blessing me with His strength, peace and joy.   I guess one thing I'm learning more and more, is that the future is His.  I'm thankful He is there for me.   Like Paul, I want to say,  "For I know that this will turn out for my deliverance through your prayer and the supply of the Spirit of Jesus Christ, according to my earnest expectation and hope that in nothing I shall be ashamed, but with all boldness, as always, so now also Christ will be magnified in my body, whether by life or by death.  For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain" (Phil. 1:19-21)

I'll save the rest til next time... as I want to share with you some pictures of the time I enjoyed being in Israel, too.  God is so good !

Still here....

Yes, I'm still here, though I've been absent from this blog!
Okay, it's Memorial Day weekend.  I'm glad I can have memories, rather than being a memory.  Specially today, there are memories of those who've given their lives for our freedom, as well as memories of loved ones--of those who are related, as well as those who became precious to me because of their input in my life. 

It's been over a month since I've blogged :(.  Actually, I've wondered what I'm doing with this "unexpected journey" with cancer, when I've felt soooooooooo great...especially when I was in Egypt and Israel.  It was like I was ten years younger.  Now, sometimes, I get that nagging lower backache and wonder, 'are those spots growing?' and then, I pray and commit my life to the Lord again.  But I also want to do the things that should not be left undone in case I don't have strength to do them later.  I suppose we should feel that way, healthy or not--asking God what He wants of this day from/for me, as none of us knows when our last breath will be.   I'm thinking of the 139 plus in Joplin, young and old.   May our Lord be comforting the ones left behind.

Yes, I was able to have a most wonderful month in Egypt and Israel.  Regarding my health and strength, I guess the most trying time was when I thought I could hike up Mt. Sinai.   Not sure yet if I chickened out too soon, or if I could have made it.  It was so great having son Jon there, who walked back with me when I turned back.   I then wished I would have accepted the camel rides proffered to me earlier.  However,  they had seen that I and others planned on walking all the way up, and had gone back with their camels.  In turning back, (in retrospect) we were able to enjoy seeing more of the monastery there at St. Catherines in the daylight hours.  (Later, Jon walked up with a few others who went up in the dark with flashlights, and waited for the sunrise while up there at the top.)  I'll just post a few pictures from the journey that day (not in the right order though!)

failure.... or?

Okay, I guess it's time for me to learn from failure.   Yesterday, I thought I was prepared to share (with an interpreter) at a women's meeting, but it seemed to me like it fell flat.   True, some of the ladies kindly came up afterward,  and wanted to shake my hand, and some asked me to pray for them...but it seemed it all was without the power of Christ, or the preparation I really should have had.  May the Lord forgive, and yet water the little bit of seed - the mixed up giving of my testimony, and especially the few verses I shared.  I truly feel it was in weakness and trembling and nervousness.

But how does this fit into "Unexpected Journey in 2011"?  I guess I wouldn't be here in Egypt if it wasn't that I was "pushed into it" by thinking that perhaps I wouldn't be able to enjoy making such a trip later IF this cancer continued to expand in my bones.   Was this a failure in my belief in His touch?  However, I believed God was at work in my body...there is such a wonderful array of ideas there.  But God is not the author of confusion, so I'm resting again in Romans 8:28 concerning God making all things work together for good, because I DO love Him....and I am enjoying being here!   He has already begun to make the "hot spots" in my PET scan disappear or get smaller in the last three months....Thank you JESUS!

He also is sooooooo wonderful to give us the desires of our hearts. "Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart" (from Psalm 37)   He is granting two of those desires this month...being here in Egypt, and also getting to be in the Holy Land during Passover and Resurrection days. This is really an unexpected journey in my "Unexpected Journey in 2011"!

I don't know when the time for me is done, as far as opportunities to live for Jesus here on earth is.  If for some reason, He decides my life has fulfilled the "three score and ten years", and I get to experience the joys of Heaven, then it will REALLY be an unexpected journey in 2011!  And the best of all!