October 2014 update...

 I was wondering if I should update this, and say what has happened lately.  I was going to do that yesterday, and didn't.  Today, my sister and "out of the blue", said she had just gone and checked out this old blog for some reason, and I felt it was a nudge from the Lord telling me to go ahead.   I don't know if I will continue this blog or begin a new one, or neither.....

• This past year has been one of many changes.   The way the Lord took my precious husband home less than a year ago demands a full page!    Then less than 2 months later, my son was diagnosed with glioblastoma brain cancer.  The blogs he and his wife wrote were truly marvelous, in their honoring Jesus Christ throughout the nine months God gave him, until he, too, was taken home to be with his Savior and Lord.

I, of course, am still going through periods of tears, but then, wiping them away, and often begin laughing at some sweet remembrance.  I don’t do a good job of managing my emotions, but I do have peace….most of the time   I have on my wall now a big picture of Joel, and my Earl, as they sat on the shore of  the lake here a few years ago.   

The Lord gave me a great verse on the day that He took my Earl to glory, saying in part, “And you became mine”.  Although Earl was a wonderful provider, and loved me deeply,  (I really miss him!) yet the LORD has assured me that He will be that “husband”, that “provider”, that “lover” to me.  I didn’t know how much I would need Him to be that for me in the days and months that followed. He has proved Himself over and over to be so marvelously wonderful and true to His Word!  Joel’s glioblastoma brain cancer was diagnosed less than 2 months after his dad’s homegoing.

I was blessed with getting to know my daughter-in-law's folks and their wonderful care for my son and boys.  I felt honored to be with my daughter-in-law and see her and my son’s precious love, loyalty and care for one another, even on those hardest days…and their living up to their desire to be joyful in the Lord at all times.  I was blessed to see their care and provision for their two boys, and how these young grandsons are handling this great loss.  I cannot describe the amount of love and support from their friends in California.  To God be the glory!

Now, I am back home, and as far as I know, I will not be “spreading my wings” for distant flights, though many places are calling me!!!  I do have tests to see if this over-hanging shadow of cancer has changed at all.  I do feel well, and my strength seems to be improving.   It is good to be home again, and I do need to do a major fall cleanup of my home.  Seeing the world with so many tears, terror and uncertainty in so many places, makes me realize that I have too much “stuff” as well, and I want to be faithful in what He provides.

...still here :)

I'm still here, though the cancer has again been acting up, and I'm on a different medication, and fighting what I think may be side effects from it.  But we're still thankful that God has His hand in our lives, and we praise Him that He is so good to us.

If you want to see a great blog...a lady and her husband facing some of the same things we're facing, and who writes so beautifully about it, go to...
http://abiblicalmarriage.com/author/shari-miller/

This day...


This day,
Great or small
I give it all
To You, My King.




Cancer,
Friend or foe,
Where I go,
To God, I bring
All my fears.
But in my ears
May Your Word ring

Gladly now
To you I bow
And of You I'll sing.

Poem, I put together from thoughts for my daily life.   Guess I'll add to my old 2011 blog now and then.... Have a happy joy-filled Memorial Day!

Postscript

After hearing some of David Jeremiah's messages, I felt I should include this poem....so fitting... as a postscript to my blog from last year regarding the unexpected journey.  At least the end of it is fitting.   I'm not sure I ever felt so bad that "we are sure that the song has ended".   But being diagnosed with stage 4 cancer does make one think about possible death...  However,  I remembered that my life is in God's hands, and  I commit to Him the timing of everything.   Have you read this poem by Helen Steiner Rice?  

"A Bend In The Road"

When we feel we have nothing left to give

and we are sure that the song has ended,

When our day seems over and the shadows fall

and the darkness of night has descended,

Where can we go to find the strength

to valiantly keep on trying?

Where can we find the hand that will dry

the tears that the heart is crying?

There's but one place to go and that is to God,

and dropping all pretense and pride,

We can pour out our problems without restraint

and gain strength with Him at our side.

And together we stand at life's crossroads

and view what we think is the end,

But God has a much bigger vision,

and He tells us it's only a bend,

For the road goes on and is smoother,

and the pause in the song is a rest,

And the part that's unsung and unfinished

is the sweetest and richest and best.

So rest and relax and grow stronger -

let go and let God share your load.

Your work is not finished or ended -

you've just come to a bend in the road.

Concluding the 2011 Unexpected Journey

Since today is January 1, 2012, I do believe I should conclude my "Unexpected Journey in 2011".
The road took me on twists and turns, on highways and byways,
On airways, taxi-ways, and even bus-ways ...

The highway was the twisting beautiful highway 14 to Mountain Home to see the oncologist quite often.
The byways were the lovely times, we could drive to see family and friends...or shop!
The airways took us to Egypt and to Israel.
The best taxi-ways were in Egypt (and even Lois drove).
The busways took us to Sinai.
And the car-ways, were to church, exercise class, Bible studies and even to Oklahoma several times.

This year taught me that I didn't need to fear the unknown....that "When He puts forth His sheep, He goes before them."  I've learned to trust and love Jesus Christ more, and appreciate more than ever the privilege of being God's child, and knowing He has plans for my life.
 It showed me how loving and precious were both our natural family, and the divinely supernatural family (of God).
I've also learned to not be so severely independent, and to accept the mercies of these friends as gifts from God.
Tests show I now am free from active cancer,  And my broken foot has mended (though still weak). I've also seen many other prayers answered as big unexpected problems arose, but God takes care of them!

The message this morning in church encouraged me to seek to have plans and visions for 2012.  Now whether I start a new blog on this, I'll pray and seek God's guidance..

  My prayer for this year is

Psa 19:14

Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O LORD, my strength, and my redeemer.

Thank you to all of you who have read, or commented on my blog.  God bless you!  May YOU have a wonderful 2012!

(Photo by Mike Simpson)

loving His ways...

I can hardly believe it's 3 months since I last posted!  I think I kind of scared myself in beginning to write personally about my "love-story".  It's easier for me to write about my love story with my Savior!

One reason I wasn't writing was that I was thinking that I was doing so well, that I should hardly be writing as a person with cancer!    I've been rejoicing even more now as I got word that my last PET scan showed that it was disappearing, and the radiologist would almost call it a normal reading!

Then, just days before I got that great news from the oncologist, I stepped out too hard off the patio slab on to a rock.  I still don't know if it was because of stepping on the rock crooked, or if a bone broke from the sudden weight, or what!!    Anyway, I went down with waves of nausea hitting me, and I knew instantly that I must have fractured something! .  (I've had a broken arm near my wrist, and also a broken collar bone, but this total weakness and nausea that hit me was far worse than for those!)  We went to the ER as it was the weekend.  The doc there on viewing the xray thought I had two fractures, and wondered about something on the big bone, and asked if I had ever broken that, as it looked like an old break that had healed.  I told him I had never fractured it as far as I could remember.   Anyway, he said I'd have to see an orthopedist and get it set, and then they stabilized it for me, and sent me home on crutches.

I'm still wondering if God did some special miracle for me.   When I went to the orthopedist on Monday, he seemed to think only the side little bone beneath the ankle was fractured, and as my sister had an ortho-boot, said that would do, for holding it securely while it healed.   It didn't seem nearly as bad as the doctor in the ER seemed to indicate.    THEN, when talking to my daughter in Egypt, she told me that my grand-daughter had a strange but wonderful experience while at the IHOP praise and prayer gathering with thousands of others away over there in Egypt on that Saturday when I injured myself.   She was praising and praying, and suddenly bent down and touched her LEFT foot, and prayed for healing for someone (she didn't know it was her own grandmother needing it!)   With the seven hour time difference, she was probably praying for me, just as I was in the ER!

Anyway, I'm doubly thanking God for healing....both for the cancer disappearing from the PET scans, and for my foot getting well so fast.   I've had this ortho-boot on for 5 weeks, and am getting along without crutches now.   I teased saying that maybe I was able to be a little like Paul in

2Cr 12:7

And 2532 lest 3363 I should be exalted above measure 5229 through the abundance 5236 of the revelations 602, there was given 1325 to me 3427 a thorn 4647 in the flesh 4561, the messenger 32 of Satan 4566 to 2443 buffet 2852 me 3165, lest 3363 I should be exalted above measure 5229.(from www.blueletterbible.com)

as it seemed like maybe God allowed this "accident" to my foot, so that I wouldn't be too exuberant over the results of the PET scan!  Anyway, I'm praising the LORD for His love, and the way He works in my life....and thankful for grandchildren who pray believingly!  I'm not sure where this blog will go from here!

"clouds are the dust of His feet"

(pic by Mike Simpson)
"dark chariots of bright grace"....that phrase quoted from C.H. Spurgeon in Streams of the Desert jumped out at me.   Yes!  These dark clouds that come to us are bringing rain...refreshing, nourishing, growth producing rain!   And He controls the clouds.

"... The LORD has His way
      In the whirlwind and in the storm,
      And the clouds are the dust of His feet. "  from Nahum 1:3

Rambling thoughts at midnight about me and cancer...

It's a little after midnight and I'm wide awake....thinking.
What do you say when people ask, "How are you?"
Do they mean, "how is my life going?"   or "how am I feeling?"  or maybe even, "how is my spiritual life?"

I started this blog mostly because my family wanted to know how I am doing...maybe in all of the ways  above.

A year or two ago, I was interested in reading a book by a man who knew he was dying.  I wanted to see if he practiced what he preached to the end...and he did. (He had a marvelous faith in our Lord Jesus Christ, and loved the Word!)  I gave the book away to a man whose family felt he was going to die soon, and it was before I knew this breast cancer had come back in my spine. (I wish I had kept it--I think that man is going to outlive me!)   I know we all live in a dying world, and so unless the Lord comes first, we will all be at death's door one day. 

Besides being an outlet for my emotional outbursts (have I published one of those yet?), this blog for me, was to show others who might be facing cancer in their lives, or things that they can't control, that God really is there in our deepest hour of trial..  So far, He has done above that...in giving me peace, and also I know He is there for me for the future.  He heals me, too, so I wonder if this blog is even something I should continue to do!   The unexpected journey could include joyous affirmation of His care for me (which really is NOT unexpected!) so, whether in healing physically this body of mine, or giving me grace for unexpected trials yet to come, I will rest in Him.  I love Romans 8! 

I am so blessed by love shown to me by many friends, brothers and sisters in our Lord Jesus Christ, and by my family.  Above even that, I have a husband, who at 90 years of age, still provides and cares for his "young" wife, and loves her!   (Sometime I'll have to write about how God definitely led us to marry, even though he was 20 years my senior, and shorter than this tall one here!)

Well, I'll quit rambling, and see if  I can put into practice a verse I often quote to myself when laying down at night.   It is from Psalm 4 and says, "I will both lay me down, and sleep, for Thou Lord only makest me to dwell in safety"  (I learned it in the King James Version).

"the Rising Sun"

Hey, I was blessed today from Luke chapter 2.  Aren't these verses marvelous?  Think on each line and be blessed as I was!

"To give His people the knowledge of salvation (thank you JESUS)
through the forgiveness of their sins, (Amen, how wonderful!)
because of the tender mercy of our God, (All glory and thanks to Him!)
by which the rising sun will come to us from heaven (Our precious Rising Sun!)
to shine on those living in darkness and in the shadow of death; (could having cancer be living in the shadow of death?)
to guide our feet into the path of peace."  (Sooooooo thankful for His provision of healing, whether immediate, or throughout my life, or final!   So wonderful to have my feet guided in the path of PEACE! And to be rescued from darkness, present and eternal!   Thank you, Rising Sun!

(picture by my friend Michael Johnson)

Gracious words are pure....

"gracious words are pure..."

Those words shined out at me when I read Proverbs 15.  It made me think about purity.  It also made me think of how some people stress legalism for purity, and others stress that truly knowing God's grace will keep them pure in gratitude to Him.  I'm again seeing the tensions in life, and remembering dear Dr. Maxwell's famous quote, "Keep balanced!"

I want my words to be pure as I post here, or on Facebook.   And the thought comes from Psalm 119 about how can a young man (or woman) keep his ways pure?   It's by the Word of God.   Keeping in the Word.   Oh, how we need to flood our mind with the Word!  

I just read a book of a lady who went through the Holocaust.   How precious the Word became to her when she didn't have it!   How she yearned to have learned more, to have memorized more! 

May I encourage myself and you today....get in the Word every day.   If you have trouble memorizing, go over it several times til at least the thoughts are in your mind.   God can bring it back to your mind then when you need it.   But to have the exact word of God to quote to somebody needing truth is even better.

Blessings today!