Thursday, November 13, 2014

The Unexpected continues.....but this time, questions why

     The unexpected continues, but this time an unexpected turn is for good news.  Well, I'm not sure that I'd say really unexpected, because I wasn't surprised when the PET scan came back this way.  He said he saw  "no convincing evidence to suggest any significant worsening in the scan."  My problem now is understanding why God would let me come to this good turn in my life, and yet, let my son pass on to eternity with his cancer.  I am almost twice his age, and have already raised my family.   He has a wife and two young children.  Yes, I know his was a much more aggressive type of cancer...but I and so many others were expecting God to raise him up, and heal him in this life.  Yes, he is healed...but not down here...and I don't know why! 

     I pray I'll use my time here on earth to bring Him joy...though even that thought seems strange, as I remember how my dear son and his wife, I'm sure, brought God much more joy because of their faithful trust, and their joyful acceptance of whatever the Lord brought into their lives.  Joel said   "and despite this crazy roller-coaster of emotions, of good news, bad news, worst case scenario, bad news, we made a choice from the get-go, that we were going to choose joy in this, that we were going to laugh, we were going to smile, and every time we got bad news, the thing that we say, is, 'we trust You.'  We trust in the Lord  and so, 2 weeks ago...when we.heard the bad news,  our response is 'we trust You,'  not that we are super human, but we have this deep confidence that God is doing something beautiful." (from the video TeamHedlund, Feb. 25th)

  . But now, maybe my comparing these issues is not good either.  God has a plan for each one of us, an individualized personal map that we must fit ourselves into... by listening hard and being obedient to the Lord, and asking Him for direction, and insight and His strength for each day.  I confess my sin of laziness, of not loving God's Word more than I do, and of being very self-centered rather than Christ-centered.  I need to "choose joy"  in God's way in my life, even when I don't understand why He blesses me with renewed health, and not my son.  Lord, may my mind and heart truly seek You first before anything else in this life.  You answered Job by showing a little of Your magnificent knowledge beyond anything he could imagine,   Also as Isaiah, I want to remember, as he says in Isaiah 40, "Have you not known? Have you not heard?  The everlasting God, the LORD, the Creator of the ends of the earth, neither faints nor is weary.  His understanding is unsearchable."  

 God is sovereign, and sooooo much wiser than I, so when we get there, He will show me the big picture.   Just now, my little mind can't understand this at all.  It is giving me another chance to grow in my faith. 

1 comment:

  1. My dear sis, As you know, I've pondered many of those questions about Joel, too, as we have discussed them together. I'm glad you wrote this post, because you voiced so well some of the things that I have pondered. But although I have questions about why God didn't heal Joel, I am rejoicing about your being "cancer free".