I need to write something to let those of you who are following know just how things are going with me. The last few days have been extra ordinarily tagged with adventure! I need to look at life as an adventure, and rejoice in the new challenges as they come. If I just told you the drag, you'd want to kick me in the pants, and remind me of the promises of God for such situations. If you do, I'll appreciate it, too!
Usually I wake up early because of a cramp in my legs or feet. After working out the cramp, I argue with myself, saying I need more rest to fight the cancer....but my mind is awake and moving, so why not get up....especially when I think the LORD might be waiting for me to meet with Him!
This morning I did what I often do when I can't sleep in the middle of the night--I go to blueletterbible.com, and pull up a place to read and listen to the Word. I pulled up Mark chapter 1 in the New King James Version. Then on the sidebar I clicked on the audio, and lay down on the couch to listen, pray, meditate, and enjoy, as this site will just continue reading right through the whole book and even go on to the next books. (Sometimes when I listen in the middle of the night, I fall asleep, and wake up to hear the reading and it is many chapters later, or even a book later!) Last year I began memorizing Mark, but I just got through the end of the second chapter. I need to put time and effort on that again. But today, I just wanted to think more about Jesus, and let Him speak to me from His Word, and I figured I'd let my body rest, too, by lying on the couch here near the computer! I'm not sure if that's killing two birds with one stone, or being lazy!
When my sister called this morning, and asked how I was, she encouraged me to blog about it. I had told her that my emotions seem to be so near the surface. I cry at "the drop of a hat"! Is it the tamoxifin? Is it depression? Is it weakness? Is it lack of faith? I guess it's not unspiritual to cry, in fact tears are often healing, and also the Lord takes special note of them. Esther reminded me of the verse about "when I am weak, then am I strong" (2Cor. 12:10)
One week ago today, Earl's feet got wet as he went into the bathroom....and found to our dismay that a water line had frozen and ruptured! That was the beginning of a week of more discoveries of water damage in the frontroom, too. Praise God for church family who helped, then State Farm insurance was "like a good neighbor", but through it all, there were many unexpected things to be done, and even now decisions to be made in contracting for the new rug, and work on the walls, etc. My precious husband at 90, is such a help to me, but he does leave a lot of those things for me to decide. Lord, help me to see this adventure from your point of view! I have soooooooooooo much to praise the Lord for, and that's what I am going to do. He is taking such good care of us!
That is giving you a little background to where I'm at now...I feel weak! Pray for me to be wise to know what to do. I wonder if it's not believing God if I do things now that I would hate for people to have to do for me later if I do get incapacitated, (like cleaning out the mess in the small laundry room)....or do I save my strength by relaxing, etc? Do I go out and visit people who need to be encouraged, or do I rest up and hope the resting is helping my body?
I am also thrilled when I hear of God working miracles for people who have been in far worse condition than I am. I have prayed to be healed. But today, my body is telling me I'm not healed yet! I am weak and shaky... I thought it was just my emotions being weak, but my body is kind of trembly, too. Keep me in your prayers as I seek to know His victory, His direction.
This is getting loooooooooonnnnnnnngggg....but Earl just shared with me a reading out of Daily Moments in His Presence by Frances J. Roberts. "O My child, do not weep. I am doing a beautiful work. Stress and pressure and pain are often the path to victory and understanding. I am in the midst, and I am a strong deliverer. You need not be concerned. Courage is the greatest contribution you can make at this point. To be strong now will make the path of recovery easier. Faith is an essential ingredient in every solution...often it is the solution itself. Never underestimate the power of faith. Hold fast. Trust. Unseen angels assist you. Doors are opening to let you pass into safety."